-Is intimately pleasing your spouse added to the same list of "things to do " as spiritual enrichment, house cleaning, and/or your hair appointment?
- Do you truly believe that sexual intimacy in marriage is necessary to having a healthy, happy relationship?
Early into the relationship, I bet your spouse was delectable, charming, and oh so appealing. Not to mention, the intimacy was hot, heavy, and much more frequent. You could not keep your hands off your spouse, leaving them feeling desired, cherished, and loved. Am I right or am I right??? LOL
Acknowledging the sex slump:
You realize that you love and care about your spouse, but you have become affectionately distant and less interested in sex.
No matter the reason or how long your relationship has lacked sexual intimacy, you can bring it back if you really want it, But you WILL have to work at it. That is if you want it!
Juggling work, schedules, children and the emotional ups and downs of marriage, makes maintaining a healthy sex life tricky. Intimacy can quickly become an unattractive eight letter word. Finding quality time alone together can be hard to do when you have a host of tasks that demand your attention. You're probably thinking intimacy who? what's that (lol)? So you can only imagine what your mate is wondering, if you're questioning yourself? This is where the "to do list" comes in at. :-)
The importance of sexual intimacy in a marriage:
Sexual intimacy offers an emotional and physical pathway to your spouse, and builds a bond that promotes closeness. Of course we all get tired, and overworked, but it is oh-so-essential that you keep the intimacy going, for the well being of your relationship.
Imagine the load of stress that could drop off you, after exerting some physical energy. ;-) Most times, the realization that you need a monkey off your back doesn't happen until after it has already been knocked off. (lol)
If you have underlying reasons keeping you from engaging in sex on a frequent basis, you must be open and honest with partner about these reasons.
Whether you…
Withhold sex as a form of punishment
Have a low libido or Loss of stamina and unsure why
Have fantasies that you would like to be fulfilled, but refrain from mentioning because of thoughts that your partner will judge you.
Are uncomfortable with how your body looks
Lost the desire of your spouse due to weight gain or loss
You must be willing to share these concerns with your spouse. Failing to communicate these issues may lead your spouse to thinking in territories that have nothing to do with the actual reasons you hold back.
The effects of withholding sexual intimacy from your mate:
Sexual rejection, by someone who vowed to "love, honor and cherish" can be devastating, and leave you feeling unattractive and undesirable. Your partner may internalize this rejection and blame themselves, by thinking they are not attractive enough.
Start stepping it up!
Ladies, men adore feeling admired and physically attractive to their wives. Ego boosters never hurt either, especially when it's unexpected. Start taking mental notes of physical traits you like about your partner, and compliment them using your most seductive sounding voice.
Just as checking email, returning calls, making appointment, spend some time studying how you can perfect the craft of intimacy within your marriage. To make this happen, you may be forced to step outside the box, jump over it, and around it. Remember, you only get different results when you try a different approach. Keep in mind this is your husband/wife and no one else's. Acting as if your mate wants, needs, or desires is not your problem can become a BIG problem later down the line. I'm just keeping it real!
Here are a few key components to developing sexual intimacy in your relationship:
Communication:
The first step to enhancing the intimacy in your relationship for the long haul is acknowledging any/all the issues at hand, whether it be about the kids, relationship, stress from work, etc. As a partner in the relationship, it your responsibility to voice any concerns that you have. By not communicating, your frustrations will only accumulate, but keep in mind that there is a time and place for communicating unresolved issues. If you're looking for receptiveness from your mate, you might not want to wait until the moment when your mate desires to communicate with you on an intimate level (this is soooo not the time); How would you feel if you spent all day thinking and planning (in your head) about doing something special for your man/woman, and when that moment arrives you hear "I have so much on my mind." If you think about, by not spending quality time expressing how your day was, or what's on your mind, you're actually holding intimacy from your mate. It seems like small talk, but the small talks can keep the relationship from eventually becoming cold and callus.
Now, let's say your pretty thorough when it comes to communicating with your mate, BUT the one discussion you run from happens to be about your sexual desires. Maybe you run because of fear that your mate will reject you, judge you, etc. Maybe he/she wants to be chained up..(you never know what he/she might be thinking about on the low low when it comes to the three letter word s-e-x..lol) But whatever the case, this too needs to be communicated. Although, your mate should be open to listening without having any pre-existing prejudices, listening does not mean they agree to acting out your desires.
Emotional intimacy depends primarily on trust and frequently involves individuals discussing their feelings and emotions with one another to gain understanding and offer mutual support. It is necessary for human beings to have this form of intimacy on a regular basis for them to develop and maintain good mental health.
Caring:
Caring for your partner means providing them with the sexual experience that pleases them, on their terms, in their way, in their time frame. A husband caring for his wife might mean he focuses on slow and gentle caresses, speaking of her beauty and his love for her, or perhaps practicing giving a full body message. A wife caring for her husband might mean she feeds him a favorite dessert while he lays in bed, message his temples while whispering sweat nothings in his ear, or maybe a pedicure after a hard days work.
Confidence:
SEXY. SEXY. SEXY. This is one the sexiest qualities that any man or/or woman could posses. Confidence is about being comfortable with who you are, starting from the inside out. Confidence has nothing to do with being tall, slim and beautiful; it means that you are ware of your needs physically just as much as you know your needs emotionally, professionally and so on. Countless studies show that people are attracted to people with high self-esteem. You can develop confidence by learning to think differently. When you start adopting self-criticizing thoughts, make a mental note to change them to positive thoughts.
THE BOTTOM LINE....
It is important that you commit yourself to prioritizing the sexual intimacy in your marriage.
As Dr. Ruth says, "just because you aren't feeling it, doesn't mean you can't make sparks fly. Her advice is simple: Your appetite comes as you eat. In other words, just get started - even if you aren't in the mood. Previous research shows when you begin kissing and making out, your body will catch up to your mind. So get busy! Your satisfaction is worth it."
A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!
~The Stepfamily GURU~
