I want you to ask yourself this question:
Do I openly communicate to my spouse about personal issues, relationship concerns, desires, or fears?
If you answered "no", let's talk:
According to divorce.com, "Making Marriage Last", published by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers at http://www.aaml.org/Marriage_Last/MarriageLastText.htm
Typical reason why marriages fail:
-Poor communication
-Financial problems
-A lack of commitment to the marriage
-A dramatic change in priorities
-Infidelity
There are other causes we see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above. They are:
-Failed expectations or unmet needs
-Addictions and substance abuse
-Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
-Lack of conflict resolution skills
Fifty percent of the time, failing to communicate these issues is what ends a couple at divorce court.
What if you had a bad day at work, overwhelmed by the children, or maybe your spouse has stopped showing the love they once used to show. Do you share these concerns with your spouse?
We all know that many problems can arise in a marriage. How about if this is your second marriage, you have children from the previous relationship, became a stepparent for the first time, and one or both of the ex-partners have a profession in driving you up the wall? Were talking issues on top of I-S-S-U-E-S! From finances all the way down to the disagreements that 15minutes into it, you can no longer recall how, when, or why it even started.
When you mix typical relationship issues, along with the challenges that a blended/stepfamily face, can somebody say STRESS!
Not only does communication allow difficult topics to be openly discussed, it’s a form of intimacy. Openly expressing your feelings to your mate shows that you entrust your emotions with them. In most cases, if your spouse loves, cares, and adores you, he/she will not mishandle your feelings. However, you have to be willing to share these feelings with them.
Many times, one or both partners wait until problems arise before deciding to communicate. Don’t make this same mistake! Make an effort to communicate about everything, and if previous attempts didn’t go so well, try repeatedly but switch up your approach.
Try viewing it this way…
A relationship is like a bank account, you only get out what you put in, and only the people who go with the high risks investments get the most in return. However, if there is no return on that high-risk investment (equal to the willingness to change how you address spousal issues, possibly at expense of your feelings getting hurt) the investor typically shakes it off and starts at the drawing board, with very little regret (equal to committing yourself to trying various methods of communication without hesitation). To sum it up, try adopting a win win attitude.
Trying is harmless...you hold the power to make it happen!
A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!
~The Stepfamily GURU~
